The Tyranny of Consistency
Photo by Efe Kurnaz on Unsplash.
Back in July 2020, I signed up with great excitement for ThePowerMBA: the new tech ed programme that’s redefining business education everywhere. At the time, I had a 5-month old baby and was coaching part-time. Covid rates were dropping, the sun was shining, and I was inspired by all that I’d learn. 15 min/day? I could definitely do that – even as a new mum!
Then the rest of 2020 happened.
And as autumn became winter, 15 min/day began to get harder. Here in Scotland, Covid rates began to soar. The winter skies grew dark, and the nights became cold. My energy began to sink. Ten months of being a new mum in a pandemic began to take a toll. I just didn’t have it in me to open my laptop at 9pm and start a class … even if that class was just 15 minutes long.
In January 2021, things got much harder. Covid restrictions meant that we still didn’t have childcare, but by now my work had ramped up to 4 days/week as my mat leave ended. Now, 9pm arrived and ThePowerMBA wasn’t even an option: I was working until 10.30pm just to stay afloat. I was exhausted and burning out. My next MBA class kept getting shunted to the back of the queue. Soon, over a month had passed, and I couldn’t even remember what I’d last been studying.
Back in July 2020, I couldn’t have predicted what was going to happen in the world or in my personal life. While 15 min/day sounded doable, I had no way of knowing the tumult ahead, or the impact that chronic stress was going to have on my energy and emotions.
And so over the last few weeks, I’ve needed to ask myself some hard questions. Questions like: What am I willing to give up to get back on track? Do I even want to get back on track? And if I do, how can I make this work for me in this season of life?
As I’ve done so, I’ve noticed a few practices that have helped me re-centre myself, and choose the right option for me, right now.
If you’re also struggling to start (or maintain) a new behaviour, here are five practices that can help you regain perspective and energy, and make a decision that serves you.
1. Notice the tyranny of the streak
A few years ago, I began meditating with the Headspace app.
Headspace would celebrate any kind of ‘streak’ that I managed to create – even a streak of two days. And even though I hadn’t set out with the intention of ‘streaking’, this feature meant that I began competing with myself to see how long a streak I could get. I soon noticed that if I missed a day, and had to start a streak again from scratch, my motivation would take a nosedive. (Anyone else?)
But then one day, I managed to keep on top of my streak for longer. I reached 15, 20, 30 days of meditation in a row. And I decided I was going to go for a whole year: 365 days of meditating, every day. Headspace gave you a prize if you managed to do that, and boy was I going to win that prize. (Anyone else?)
So, guess what happened?
I pressed ‘play’ on the app every day for a year, just so it registered that I’d pressed the button.
Did I meditate? Well ... I often chose the ‘1-minute meditation’. And I occasionally pressed it as I was in the middle of doing something else, and told myself I was ‘mindfully folding laundry / eating / running for the bus’. More than once, I pressed it as I fell sleep, because I’d forgotten about my ‘meditation habit’ and it was almost midnight.
I cared far more about not breaking my perfect streak than about actually learning how to meditate. My desire for perfection had undone me. The streak had become a tyranny.
In the same way, if you’re trying to establish a new habit, notice whether a desire for a streak might actually sabotage your chance of success.
If you’re like me, you might need to actively remind yourself (again and again) that starting a new practice is not about maintaining a perfect record. If that’s your goal, it will also be your undoing.
2. Cut yourself some slack. A lot of it.
At the best of times, it’s hard to form new and lasting habits.
And these aren’t the best of times.
Most of us have been living with constant low- or medium-level anxiety, dread, loneliness, and exhaustion for over a year now. Add redundancy, lack of childcare, health worries, or isolation into the mix, and we’re very quickly running on empty.
Of course we have less willpower than normal right now. It’s so understandable that we don’t want to muster the energy to watch another class, or go for a run, or eat more healthily, or cut back on alcohol. It makes sense. These are really, really hard times.
It’s ok to not be a high-achiever in times of chronic and collective stress. It’s ok to not have the same drive or stamina or energy that we normally expect of ourselves.
3. Ask yourself: do I still really want this?
Some of us can get fixated on the desire to ‘not be a quitter’. If we start something, we tell ourselves that we ‘should’ finish it, regardless of whether circumstances change. And of course, there’s a lot of benefit to seeing things through. If we gave up when things were difficult, we wouldn’t achieve a lot.
However, if we don’t truly ask ourselves this question, and answer honestly if we do want to stop – then what happens is we can check out mentally, even as we keep showing up physically.
After ThePowerMBA started, I began another course – a taster of a new coach training programme – that was also meant to be 15 min/day. It began really well, but as the weeks passed I realised that I fundamentally disagreed with the main assumption the teacher was making. I have very limited free time, and I knew there were so many other things I wanted to do that would be more helpful than this course.
I decided to leave. I felt liberated! I knew in my gut this was the right thing to do. But, because I was doing the programme with friends, I then convinced myself to stay. I fell into the sunk cost fallacy: I’d already completed so much of it. Plus, I didn’t want to be the only one who dropped out. As a result, I ended up resenting the lessons and the time that they took from me.
I wish I had left that programme decisively, rather than checked out mentally but kept showing up. It would have released a lot of energy that I could have spent elsewhere.
It’s ok to walk away, and it’s ok to set a new goal — even if that means other people are disappointed.
On the other hand, if you do still really want this, then remind yourself of what this commitment will lead to, and why that’s important to you.
I decided that I do still really want to study ThePowerMBA. I loved the classes that I watched, and am understanding the world through a different lens. My own coaching business is already much stronger from what I’ve learned, and I feel much more equipped to support entrepreneurs and leaders. I’ve decided this particular programme is worth the commitment for me. It will help me create the life, business, and impact that I want. It also supports my love of learning, which is one of my core values.
Giving ourselves permission to (re)-commit – or not – reminds us that we always have a choice, if we choose to use it.
4. If you DO still want it, redefine consistency in a way that works for you.
If you do still want to commit to this new practice or habit, then choose to redefine consistency in a way that will support you, rather than undermine you.
Consistency works best as a servant, not a master. Decide what will help you right now, and not in your ideal life.
In this season, where so much is unpredictable and my energy fluctuates, I’ve personally decided that I’m ok ‘falling behind’ on ThePowerMBA. Even though I’d hoped to complete it within ten months, classes are available for fifteen. I’d rather take my time and complete the programme, than run myself into the ground, get resentful, and burn out.
For me, right now, I’ve redefined consistency to mean showing up for ThePowerMBA every week, whether that means taking one lesson or ten. It doesn’t have to be every day.
5. Create an anchor to ‘habit stack’.
Finally, if you do choose to recommit to your practice, find an anchor to which you can attach it. This is a type of ‘habit stacking’: finding a behaviour which you already do every day, which triggers your new practice.
For me, I’ve learned that right after my lunch break is the best time to watch a quick video from ThePowerMBA. I’m not already in the middle of something, and I sip my coffee while making notes, which makes it more fun! On the days where I have a meeting at that time, or pick up my son from nursery, I skip my lesson.
This new system is working for me, and – crucially – doesn’t play into my perfectionist instincts. For you, it might be meditating while your coffee brews, or going for a run after you close your laptop, or calling your parents as you walk the dog.
Creating a new practice can be challenging, especially in times of crisis.
Do you really still want to do this practice? If not, then consider letting it go. You can reclaim that energy for something that serves you better. But if is important to you, I invite you to find a way that works for your lifestyle and personality to help you keep showing up for it. It will be worth it, and your mental health will be much better along the way.
Something to chew on: What new behaviour are you trying to instil right now? What’s getting in the way? And which of the five practices above could be most helpful to get you back on track?